Four Cultural Gaffs in One Day (Maybe)

I may or may not have made four cultural gaffs yesterday.  The trouble with living in a foreign country is that you often never know whether you're in the wrong because of some cultural misunderstanding or whether you're just dealing with a bad individual (or whether you're a bad individual).  I've gotten better at realizing when I'm about to cross some cultural line, but I usually don't even get this right in my own country, so I try to err on the side of caution (or on the side of being taken advantage of - future post).  Here are three scenarios presented for your own consumption, my dear readers...  

...A student quit my lesson yesterday morning.  I was especially disappointed and confused because I always thought her lessons were great, and she was one of my favorite students.  At about one in the afternoon, my student walked into a classroom that I rent out with two other freelance teachers and announced that she wanted to have class outside.  I thought this was a bit strange considering it was December and it was actually snowing.  I had tea and a heater ready inside the classroom, but, the customer is always right.  

As we were walking down the hill from my classroom, she told me that she had found an interesting looking coffee shop while walking from the nearby bus station and she wanted to get coffee there.  Once we were in that coffee shop, she proceeded to have an emotional breakdown and revealed to me that a business associate of mine had lost his temper at her the previous week when discussing her purchase of a new textbook.  I assumed it was a misunderstanding since I had witnessed the meeting and it was regular, and I attempted to reassure her that my associate hadn't lost his temper; if there was a misunderstanding, I was sure I could clear it up.  My student would have none of it, and announced that she was quitting and would be attending English class at another school which was closer to her house and therefore more convenient for her.

I contacted my business associate who teaches her husband to warn him that this misunderstanding had occurred and he should make sure he's on good standing with my now former student's husband and reassure him that no incident had occurred and everything was hunky-dory and whatnot.  After these events played out, I realized that perhaps this was only my student's way of trying to quit without making me feel bad.  Americans are often concerned about bottom-line and tend to separate business and personal life.  If she had wanted to quit my lesson for whatever reason, all she had to do was say that.  She didn't owe me an explanation.  I still would be friends with her and exchange emails and have cordial relations.

Perhaps this is not the case in Japan.  Business and pleasure are often mixed here in complex and idiosyncratic ways.  I considered - and still consider - the possibility that she just wanted to quit and felt like she needed a reason whereby it didn't look like she was abandoning me for another teacher.  I received confirmation of this after hearing back from my business associate that her husband (whom he teaches) had spoken to her, and she had told him she just wanted to take group lessons closer to home, hence the move.  Of course, I can do nothing about the situation except to feign ignorance and continue to defend my business associate...

...Later that day, I went to teach at a school where most of the students are elementary school children seeking to supplement their official education - provided in part by me - with private attention.  One of the oldest of these students - a twelve-year-old monster - has been a thorn in my side from day one, insulting my physical appearance and ridiculing me in Japanese in front of the other students because she thinks I don't understand what she's saying, and that is funny to her.  I would normally tolerate such behavior from one student, but the other students are beginning to follow her lead.  There are now slippery slope considerations.

I couldn't imagine any way to make her stop without inviting more ridicule (which I would be powerless to stop due to the fact that she is a customer), and I don't want to acknowledge her insults: if I broke the ice and used Japanese, she would probably just ridicule my poor pronunciation. (I never use Japanese with English students.)  I have turned to complaining to the boss that her actions are affecting other students and she must stop, and this boss has spoken to the student about her behavior several times.  She has often denied wrongdoing only to redouble her efforts when the boss is not there.  Finally today, after she told two six-year-old students that I farted and it smelled, I told my boss that either she quit the school or I would no longer be available to teach on Thursdays.  Yes, I was willing to sacrifice almost 300 dollars in monthly income for this.

Tonight, I explained this seemingly intractable scenario to my wife, who told me I should just insult her back by, for example, calling her a stupid shitbrat destined to fail.  I was thoroughly nonplussed.  A teacher in America would be fired for insulting students like that.  This is apparently not the case in Japan; parents expect teachers to teach not only reading, writing, and arithmetic, but also character and respect for others.  After I complained to my boss, I was told that the student in question is, in fact, quitting incidentally after this month to study five subjects at a bigger school.  I will likely never see her again.  I'm a little embarrassed for presenting an ultimatum in retrospect better kept to myself...

...After today's horrible classes, I went to a print shop near my house to get some digital photos printed.  I had already gone there in the morning, but I was told the computers were undergoing maintenance until four in the afternoon, and I had to go to work before I could have the opportunity to use them.  I asked the clerk what time the shop closed, and she said nine o'clock that night.  Great, I thought, open late.  I finished work at 5:30 and hurried to the print shop.  

For some reason, the dimensions of my digital photos and the dimensions of the prints don't match, so every time I print pictures, I have to manually set the printed field using a computer program provided by the print shop's computers.  This is very time-consuming, and this time I was planning on printing about 250 pictures.  I sat down at a computer at about 6:30, and by 8:00, I had configured about three quarters of my prints.  I was the only customer.  Good, I thought, I'll be finished at 8:30, they can run the printing program, and the pictures should be printed out by 9:15 or so.  

My older daughter had fallen asleep just before we got there, and the rest of the family was shopping upstairs.  The building didn't shut down until 9:00.  There was no rush.  I could set the visual fields just right (although I don't understand why printers and digital camera manufacturers can't agree on a common format - maybe future post).  There were two workers at the print shop, and they were having a conversation about how they had both struggled with English in high school.  Typical, I thought, having a conversation about me as if I weren't there.  (Japan veterans may know the rest of this story by now.)

There were two things I missed.  The first is that the shop staff were talking about English because they weren't sure how to approach me the foreigner, and they were hoping that I would get the hint and break the ice myself.  I have been here for long enough to develop some proficiency with Japanese, and I am used to clearly and assertively communicating my desires, but I was already tired and distracted by the previous events of today and glad to interact with a machine.    

My second gaff was that I forgot (really inexcusable) that the closing times of Japanese shops represent the times that everybody immediately goes home.  In the States, we're used to closing times representing the last time customers can begin consuming a particular service.  If the drug store closes at 9:00 and I get in there at 8:58, I can shop until 9:20.  If the restaurant is open until 10:00 and I get there at 9:45, I can eat until 11:30.  

This is not the case for Japanese stores.  Most begin playing a midi version of "Auld Lang Syne" about fifteen minutes before close with polite messages in English to politely remind their foreign customers that everybody needs to be out of the store by closing time.

When my wife came back from shopping, she seemed surprised that I was still working at the computer and asked one of the clerks what was the deal because we had to leave for America early the next morning and needed the prints tonight.  The clerk told her that if I had 100 prints, she could print them all tonight.  All my work setting the frames just right was a waste.  I would only be able to print two fifths of my pictures.

At first I was upset that there had been no irasshaimase! from the clerks and annoyed that they had continued to talk about me without talking to me, but then I realized that I had also been absorbed in my own world and had made no effort of my own towards effective communication, so I was just as much of a face stealer.  Nevertheless, the clerk apologized profoundly and gave us some coupons for the next time we wanted prints...

...Perhaps I am tired and stressed out from twelve-hour-days and no holidays for the past three weeks, but I don't think there is any excuse for the kind of mistakes I made today, which is my last day before a long vacation.  The good news is that I have a long vacation from teaching starting tomorrow, when I will haul two babies across the Pacific Ocean on an airplane and begin a twenty-day rest in America for Christmas.  Expect lots of posts during that time as well as a few new writers.  I will be devoting four or five hours a day to the Inductive starting this Saturday.  I'm looking forward to being home for the first time in fifteen months.