Lying with Math

I lie to and manipulate my students all the time using basic math, but it's okay because I'm better than them.  Here is how I did it today with my class of three eight-year-olds:  

We had some extra time at the end of class, so I let the kids each choose a game they wanted to play.  One of the students chose Crazy Eights.  One of the students chose Old Maid.  One of the students chose Go Fish.  

Normally, I'd just have the students play paper, rock, scissors if they couldn't agree on what game to play, but I really didn't want to play Crazy Eights, since I've been playing way too much Crazy Eights recently, and a regular game of Old Maid usually clocks in at twenty-five minutes or so and we just didn't have that much time, plus, I thought the kids could use a bit of work on using the verb "have", so I really wanted to play Go Fish.  The real dilemma for me was how could I force the kids to play Go Fish without appearing arbitrary and despotic?

I grabbed two sets of cards and put them behind my back.  

"Okay, Helen, choose left or right."  

"Right!"  

"Okay, you chose Old Maid, so that gets eliminated."

"Now, Susan, left or right?"

"Left."

"Okay, you chose Go Fish, so that's the game we'll play."

Do you see what I did there?  There are actually an infinite number of variations on getting the kids to make the correct choice; sometimes, I simply change the rules mid-game and pretend that that was my intention the whole time; sometimes I'll tap into the power of "eeny, meeny, miny, moe" or best-of-n paper, rock, scissors tournaments, or I'll try a game of odd-and-evens, or basically whatever it takes for the kids to make the right choice.

When I do get the desired outcome, I simply choose to stop the "random" selection process, and the kids think that everything came out totally fair.  After all, we all saw Susan win the best-of-seven paper-rock-scissors tournament, didn't we?  It's great that I can get the kids to think they themselves chose Go Fish in some sort of unbiased, democratic fashion.  Sometimes, we'll even have entire classes where the kids "choose" what to do.

The applications seem endless...

For instance, let's imagine I'm President Obama.  I could elect to have suspected terrorists who confessed under torture undergo civilian trials to show everyone that America is not an arbitrary dictatorship.  If the juries in those trials find the suspect guilty, then I simply stop.  I could even elect to try higher-ranking suspected terrorists in civilian courts.  If a jury made the right decision once, it will probably make the right decision again, right?

But if the jury doesn't make the right decision, I could simply hold the suspected terrorists forever under my super awesome "post-acquittal detention power".  (This is kind of like throwing "dynamite" or even "atom bomb" in the rubber match of a best-of-eleven series of paper, rock scissors.)  

This way, I can manipulate the commoners into thinking that America is still under the rule of law and assert unchecked dictatorial powers at the same time!

(hat tip: Mark Thompson)