The Disconnect of Staying Connected

<This guest post is contributed by Mariana Ashley who particularly enjoys writing about online colleges. She loves receiving reader feedback, which can be directed to mariana dot ashley031 at gmail dot com.>

Eyes down and only half-listening to what was supposed to be a two-sided conversation, my roommate's fingers clacked away on her Blackberry as she responded to e-mails, sent in a fresh tweet, and blasted her boyfriend with the fifth "I love you more!" text since we sat down. I pondered why I even bothered to go out for coffee with a person who seemed less interested in interacting with someone who was actually there and more interested in interacting with those who weren't.

Chances are I am not the first to marvel at this wonder - how it seems the more that people are connected by technology, the less they are connected to actual people. A friend once told me a story about a group of customers in her restaurant who spent their entire meal talking to one another through their Nintendo DS devices. None of them uttered an actual word to one another, aside from the occasional yelp of victory or distress from whatever game they were playing. How is it that we can be more social than ever through social media and still be completely shut out from human interaction?

The allure of connectedness through technology is obvious. With a click of a button, you can send out a missive to everyone in your phone book. You can have lengthy or short discussions with someone without having to suffer through the awkward pauses that tend to fill the holes of face-to-face conversations. You don't even have to comb your hair or put on make-up or change out of your sweaty gym clothes to talk to someone through texting, Facebook, or e-mail. All in all, technology makes it easier than ever to communicate, which may be the most dangerously seductive aspect of it.

Hugh Mackay touched on the phenomenon of disconnected connectedness in his 2007 article, "The Technology Disconnect". Technology offers users a sense of control and companionship without bogging it down with the pesky burden of anxiousness and nerves that people typically experience in face-to-face communication. It even offers users a distraction from a less-than-satisfying reality, Mackay wrote, which further encourages them to delve deeper into it. Take, for example, my Blackberry-obsessed roommate. I spoke with her more through text messages than I did in person, even though we lived together for two years. It seemed that her phone catered to her habit of being easily distracted. Rather than actually learning to sit down and pay attention, she allowed her Blackberry to constantly indulge her need for diversion. It caused a rift in her relationships, including her romantic one, as her boyfriend felt that she was more loving and attentive when they were apart than when they were together.

That is where the real issue lies. Using technology to communicate is not a bad thing. Rather, it is how this type of communication is beginning to replace real face-to-face communication that is worrisome. Rather than going through the work of meeting and interacting with real people, many are sticking with interacting through the technological filter. But texts, e-mails, and tweets are not substitutes for the real deal, despite the fairly convincing masquerade.

Through the filter of cell phones and social media platforms, human emotions, tones of voice, gestures, and postures are all lost, and these are the small things that make up effective communication and connection. By seeing someone's facial expressions as well as their posture, tone of voice, and hand gestures as they talk to you, you are more able to establish a personal and trusting connection as opposed to faceless digital connection. The simple fact is that all of the nuances of human interaction, including the awkward pauses and the need to look presentable, are essential to communication. Real person-to-person communication can be difficult, but it is necessary. After all, it is only with real-life interaction can people make true friends, establish real meaningful relationships, and raise healthy and happy families. What is important is that people do not allow technology to rob them of their presence in their real lives. Technology was created to help make our day-to-day lives better, not replace them entirely.